Sir, you are crazy! Welcome to Vietnam.

Sir, you are crazy!

My growing up in Colombia turned out to be a huge advantage for traveling in Asia. We Colombians and Asians have a lot in common. We can cross avenues with hundreds of motorcycles zooming past. We understand that sidewalks and stoplights are mostly symbolic. It’s in our blood that the asking price for an item is merely a suggestion and we can haggle until the end of time. We can smell danger coming. We can eat almost anything without getting poisoned. We have a superhuman ability to locate and exterminate bugs. Coming to Asia makes you realize that growing up in a third world country has key advantages.

In Ho Chi Minh City I received the best compliment ever: “Sir, you are crazy! You are like the American chef on TV!” The gentleman in question was referring to Anthony Bourdain and the reason for the wonderful reaction was simple. When traveling alone, I like to ask cab drivers to take me to THEIR favorite lunch or dinner spot. They always know the best places in town. My driver and I feasted on Pad Thai at the eatery where he takes his girlfriend. It was the best Pad Thai I’ve had in my life. And it cost $1.50.

Friends often wonder how I obtain access to so many interesting and often difficult-to-infiltrate places. The answer is fairly simple—I ask questions. One example: while having breakfast I asked my waitress for sightseeing recommendations. She sent me to the War Museum. There I saw three geisha-looking women entering a room. I went to see what was going on and I was told it was a private Tea Ceremony for the Japanese Consul. After a quick introduction and talking to the right person, I was invited to stay, and for four hours I witnessed a fascinating Japanese tradition at the War Museum in Ho Chi Minh City. All because I simply started asking questions

Halong Bay was breathtaking, but after Thailand, Vietnam was disappointing. Sadly, the vast majority of Vietnamese we dealt with were unnecessarily rude, or, at best, simply didn’t care about engaging in anything that didn’t represent money changing hands. I was told that this `is a common expression of independence. Vietnam has a cultural history of more than 20,000 years—that’s one of the longest continuous histories in the world. They have been the target of so many foreign aggressors that yelling “no!” to a foreigner must feel great. Unfortunately, tourists don’t understand, nor appreciate, this behavior and will increasingly choose friendlier countries like Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, and Singapore in which to spend their time and money.

At any major tourist destination it is nearly impossible to walk for more than 30 seconds without having to stop for someone taking a picture. The weapons of choice are iPhones shooting vertical video and tablets with very thick covers for stills.
Also trending are what I call the IVSTs (iPhone vertical video self-portrait tours). The culprit chooses the busiest walking intersection at a popular tourist destination and records themselves talking nonsense about the place. An example: “this is the largest temple in the world and it is very old.”

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